Love to Light the Shadows
by Written Fire
Summary: Theirs was a love that was never meant to be.


_Hey! Here's another Sirius'Hermione fic for you all :) I know it's not the one many wanted, but I hope you like it anyways!_

_This has actually been finished for a while, it just took me a bit to get it uploaded. For some reason I'm having a hard time with my AN tonight. It's so frustrating, my gosh._

_I'll save the rest of what I want to say for the end note...hope you enjoy my story! :)_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, or Wherever We Will Go by The Calling (though I listened to the Charlene Soraia version for this-and I don't own that either!) _

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"_**And maybe I'll work out  
a way to make it back some day  
to watch you, to guide you  
through the darkest of your days."**_

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If there was one thing that Sirius wanted most in the world, it was to make it back to the outside of the veil, to fight his way into the arms that he knew would be opened for him, the soft lips that would meet his so desperately. There were many people he missed—Harry and Remus, to name a few—but there was only one who he ached to see; an ache in his bones, in his _soul_, so deep he could never escape it. It was an ache he knew would never ease.

Even if he were to make it out of the veil, Sirius knew that what he wanted could not happen, _would_ not happen. She did not go back to the past until the middle of that Ministry battle, and while he remembered her going back—he remembered it _vividly_, the way she had just disappeared from his arms—he never had the opportunity to know when she came back.

He hoped that when she came back, she would not have any regrets. She had not known that he…died, he knew, because while she had looked at James and Lily with this hidden grief, it had never shown when she was with him. With him it was like she had finally been able to relax, to let the secret she kept so close to heart hide behind a fog so she could not see it. Though he did not know what that secret was at the time, of how much she knew about what would happen to them all, he had been able to tell that something had happened to her, something that caused her eyes to have wisdom to them that he had only ever seen in people who had lived through tragedy.

It had taken so long for her to warm up to them all, something that he had not understood at the time. She had arrived into their lives so suddenly, looking as though she had just been in the midst of some_ battle_—which, in hind sight, she _had _been—and startling them all with how mature she was for someone their age.

No one knew how she had shown up at Hogwarts as she did, not even her. School had been in session for only a few days, and everyone was still settling into their routines. The Marauders were being their usual rule breaking self's and were out on the grounds after hours, roaming the place they knew by heart. They had just reached the Whomping Willow when they caught sight of what looked like a person, lying just in reach of the tree, far enough away not to be hit but close enough to send it twitching.

When the smell of blood became noticeable in the air it had sent them all running, shocked gasps filling the night as they caught sight of the injured girl. The rest of the night had been a blur; Remus, being the strongest, had carried her in while James went to get the headmaster and Sirius to warn the medi-witch that someone had been injured. They never did get in trouble for breaking the rules that night, but they never were told of how badly she was injured that night, either. She never told, and no one had wanted to ask in fear of upsetting her.

After she had woken they were allowed to see her, to see for themselves that she was okay and so she could thank them for helping her. Something about her, injured and obviously scared but showing nothing but gratitude, her brave mask, had struck a chord within Sirius. He had decided right there that they would be friends, no matter how long it took or what he had to do.

His stubborn nature had won out in the end; slowly she began to talk to them, her smiles and laughter becoming genuine and a common occurrence. Falling for her had never been a part of the plan, but he would never regret letting her past all of his defenses and into his heart. She had made him whole in a way he had never felt before or since, and for that he would always cherish her.

It had been their four month anniversary the day she left. The day had started off so well; he took her on a picnic for breakfast, picking a flower on their way back to the castle and gently placing it behind her ear, a soft kiss following. They'd had lunch with their friends, and that evening the Marauders had thrown a party for the sole reason of giving them music to dance to.

It was then, while he was holding her close to him, swaying gently with those three little words dancing on the edge of his tongue, that she had slipped from his arms, leaving for what he now knew was her present. At the time it had sent panic through him, through the students and faculty. How did one apparate out of Hogwarts? _It was not possible_, but was the only explanation to be had.

Months passed before he was able to really smile again, but that ache to have her back in his arms had never left. Years passed before he saw her again, younger than when she had left but undeniably the woman he loved. The years following that were torture, having her so close but unable to be with her as he wanted.

Sirius had been counting down the days until she went back, knowing that once she was home again they would be able to be together again. He had been making plans, ever since the day he saw her again, about what they would do once she was _his _again. Sirius had factored in everything he could think of; the age difference, the possibility of her having someone else, how it would affect his godson, what the others would think…

The only thing he had not factored in was him dying.

Dead was the only thing he could assume he was; for why else would he be stuck here, in this dark emptiness that he found himself in? How else could he describe how he was so obviously able to think and feel, but not to leave? He could not feel touch—he did not know if there was anything even _there_ to touch. Sirius could remember falling back into the veil, the sudden shock of going from light to dark, but not much else. How long had he been stuck here, unable to move on but unable to break free?

With nothing but unanswered questions and endless time to think, he found himself wondering what would happen to Harry now with only one connection left to his parents, to all of those he had grown to love even while he had resented them for their freedom. He would never know now when she had come back, _how _she had come back.

Stuck with nothing but his memories, the ache in his bones and soul, his longing for his _family_, he wondered how long it would be until he was driven insane, until he was left with nothing but his agony and no reason as to why. With what felt like a sigh—_was_ that a sigh?—he forced those thoughts away, eyes closing as he thought back to her; he thought back to her face, that smile, how she sounded when she was _happy_.

Picturing her in his mind, he felt his lips tip at the corner, her name escaping in a silent, need filled gust of air.

_Hermione._

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"_**I know now, just quite how  
my life and love might still go on  
in your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time."**_

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_This was for Turtle, as is just about everything I write, lol. I think it's one of my favorite stories I've written yet, actually. Yay :)_

_If you have a tumblr, you should follow me! The link is on my profile ^^ __I also have a poll up, it would be awesome if you would go and vote!_

_Thank you for reading! Reviews are always appreciated :)_


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